Taking the Axe to Self-Pity

Of all parties you might be invited to, someone else’s ‘Pity Party’ has got to be the one you least want to go to. And yet, whilst self-pity is easy to dislike in others – when it comes to ourselves we are certain we have every right to feel the way we do. After all, we’ve been badly done by.

Which is why, as a man who knows only too well the tendency to self-pity in my own heart, something by John Piper struck home.

Piper argues that self-pity is a form of pride. Now, you may not think it is, because, he says, ‘it appears to be needy’.

But appearances are deceptive: ‘The need arises from a wounded ego, and the desire of the self-pitying is not really for others to see them as helpless, but as heroes. The need self-pity feels does not come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. It is the response of unapplauded pride.’ [Piper, Desiring God, (Multnomah, 2011), 302.]

Self-pity is ‘unapplauded pride’. Ouch.

So, how can this root of self-pity in our hearts be severed? Three suggestions:

Number one, recognize it and confess it to God for what it is (1 John 1:7-9). Even in the heat of the moment, when you feel those feelings and sense those thoughts of self pity rising up, recognize them and name them, and confess them to God for what they are.

Number two, apply the gospel to your heart. Remind yourself, that Jesus suffered unjustly, and if a servant is not above his master, you will suffer unjustly too (Matt 10:24; John 15:20). Even more than that, Jesus suffered unjustly for your sin and my sin, and still He forgives us (1 Peter 3:18). So we can kill the root of bitterness to those who treat us unjustly and extend forgiveness to them, out of the deep well of forgiveness Christ extends to us (Eph 4:31-21).

Number three, find your joy in God (Ps 37:4-5). Then, when you face suffering, you can embrace it with joy (and not self-pity), on account of Christ (Matt 5:11-12). In Piper’s words, as you do that, ‘the ax [is] laid to the root of self-pity.’

May we see that root fall in all our hearts.

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